Category: Teenage Angst

Going on Thirteen

Funny how we decide to mark certain days. Today, for instance, I choose to mark this day as the first time my son’s gaze and mine met at the same level. Standing in front of him I looked into his bright birthday eyes and realized that come this time next year there’s a good chance he’ll be looking down at me. In that transitory moment I took stock of him and still registered his renowned goofiness, sweetness, confidence and happy attitude. He is still my guy to care for and teach. He is still growing and maturing. He is a better version of me in so many different ways. That all included in the mental mark I’ve made for myself on his special day. 
Now bring on the Teen-Age years!

El Pato Feo

At 13 years old I still watched Silly Symphonies and liked them overall except for one. It started a plucky little duck who had lost his way and tried to find love in wrong places. Upon his saddest moment he looked at his reflection on rippling water and the distortion cause his image to shift and thwart. He realized then why he had been rejected by others and didn’t deserve to play with the cute yellow ducklings sliding off momma’s back. I didn’t like that moment because it reminded me of me me and what the mirror showed. I had an odd homemade haircut, too many spots on my chin/nose/forehead, my nose was too long and I had an awkward smile. I didn’t like looking at my self too much in those early teen years and it would take some time before I came to peace with the face I’d be allotted. 
I take solace knowing that the little silly duck found his parents eventually and they seemed to love him no matter what.

Death is Taxing

When I was much younger but not yet 20 I wondered about my death often. 
It came about when I would hear my parents fight viciously behind closed doors. A desire for it happened when I discovered that my first love had cheated and had no need for me. As other high school kids began to receive their college admission letters and I was left without a pull towards the end also came. Though all these moments’ discomfort was temporary..in those minutes the saddest of thoughts seemed too overwhelming. 
Over the last 20 years I have come to respect life and yearn for it. I wish the man I am now could have reached out to the teen I was then and tell him that things do get better. Time machines do not exist alas but I hope to be a pillar of aid to my children when those angst ridden and hormonal days soon come.