Category: Dad Stories

Hooters

Because we believe in being a conduit of valuable and relevant information to our children…Momma Torres and I just spent the balance of our car ride back from West Covina explaining the theme of the Hooters restaurant off the side of the road. 
For the time being both Torres have opted to not frequent the establishment much to the dismay of this reporter.

Charm of Clooney – A Wishlist

I would have liked to have had the strength of character of a Churchill. 
The pensiveness of Lincoln. Wit of Wilde and charm of Clooney. The rockstar edge of Morrison and the guts of either of the Martin Luthers. 
The writing chops of Cervantes or Hemingway or Orwell.
Most of all I would have liked the patience of Kinder who has supported me in the pursuit of wishes and still seems to like the simple man I really am.

I Beheld a Man

While waiting at a dentist’s office in El Monte my kids and I settled at some chairs and watched the Little Mermaid on the shared TV. They sat mesmerized by Ariel’s misadventures but my eyes were upon someone else. 
A man! 
He sat so still across the hall and his gaze was fixed upon a point I tried to identify. His skin had a shade of brown which had obviously been well baked under thousands of rays of sun over the years. His whisppy and thinning white hair was well manicured at both his balding head and pristine mustaches. 
A simple but elegant cane rested between his legs and on occasion his hands pressed the handle and he assured himself it was still there waiting along side him. 
He was thin but not frail. A stoic fixture in the room that commanded my respect without him saying one word. Maybe I saw the future in this gent? Could be I saw the past because he reminded me of my father? 
In any case he brought me joy while at the dental office and how many of us can claim that?

Bumped Up

I found a bump on my body today. A terror washed over me and as I toweled off I caught my reflection in the mirror. All a sudden I looked frail and I lost trust in my body. 
Then I thought about my wife and then my kids. Right after that I felt guilt of not having thought of them first. How terribly selfish of me. I did a lot of mental math and considered answers to short term concerns and quickly pondered what I could miss. My mind always goes for the worst.
 Now after visiting and talking to a doctor I found that this bump is a common condition. The MD joked that I’m sure to see a whole lot more sunrises in life. 
That’s a good thing…I’d hate to miss checking out more rainbows with those I should have thought of first.

Mane Issue

If my son chose to he could sport a Classic Crew or a short pompadour. I may let him try the Caesar Cut and I’m partial on the Side Part. He could also look great with it Slicked Back and its certainly long enough for the Shaggy short. There’s a chance he could get away with the Fringe Crew and I know he’d look dapper if it was Swept Up. The Faux Hawk is a remote option along with the Asymmetrical w/Short Sides. Not sure about a Blow-Out though he can certainly pull it off and/or any cut the delectable Skeet Ulrich has chosen to brandish.
The point is that unlike me…my son has styling options because his mane is still SO generous where as mine is not. He chooses not to style though.

Hair is wasted on the young.

Go See Cal

I have friends in low places and also from all over so I get it that these next sentences won’t make much sense to a good portion of folk BUT…I grew up knowing that when you needed a car you went to Cal Worthington and his dog Spot.
Or didn’t you feel bad for Larry’s accountant? I mean, Larry WAS killin’ him. 
Also you knew you if you got in a scuffle with the Law you should see the the other Larry (H. Parker) because he’d fight for you and you’d might walk away with 2.1 million. Of course…you could also trust them or any other local spokespeople in my old hood if they bragged how they “Hablamos Espanol.” 
I miss my old TV friends but we watch most shows off the Internet nowadays and also us city folk just don’t get it!

Mario Carp

If I close my eyes, listen and recall I’d be transported to my parents house on Eastman Ave. 
From the front room the sounds of Mario climbing down a Green pipe to Watery depths would be annoying my dad and in second he’d be carping at me to turn it down. 
Now I open my peepers and have to walk over to my boy who is challenging himself on the Nintendo and has the volume up a bit too high.

Oil Change

Every six to 8 months (give or take three) my dad would beckon me to the drive way.
It was time to change the oil on the old Ford Econoline Van. He was proud to have me on the ground worming my way into position and using man tools to coax bolts aside while grease caked my hands. His happiness was my dread in that I loathed having to grab an old piece of cardboard, placing it on the ground where the dust and dirt would eventually invade my nostrils.
Then there was the contortions my hands had to make in order to find the position which would finally yield torque on the bolts. The heat in East LA was ever present and I could feel how it made me sweat about my eyes. Sometimes, a mixture of Aqua Net & sweat would enter my eye sockets and then they would sting.
Finally there were his barks and orders… always complaining about my overall bad attitude. Then finally I’d release the bolt and black fluid would pour out for a few minutes onto a tray. While that happened I could just lie in my place and close my eyes thinking of the other places I’d rather be. Soon thereafter the job was done and I had to tend to other chores.

Thank goodness I wouldn’t be back under that car for 6 to 8 months (give or take three).

Malice and Indifference and Cruelty

Because of my station in life I can sometimes forget about the malice, indifference and cruelty that rest in the hearts of people. Lately, my children ask me questions stemming from their history lessons. I’m obliged to dialog with them about mankind’s lesser moments. 
They sometimes ask if things are better now. 
As is my policy…I do not lie to my children.

The Known Unknowns

I did not know he didn’t know but because he was my father I always believed him. 
Like the time he told me that the Titanic was SO big that you could start walking at one end in the morning and you would not reach the other end until late evening. The assertion that dinosaurs still lived in parts of Mexico and the government was hiding them. His knowledge that American women were trouble. Or that the Cowboys were and would forever be America’s greatest football team. He never meant any harm but it was a little disconcerting when I started learning truths. 
Now I wonder…what will the kids come to learn was a misconception on my part? Whatever it is I hope it endears me to them just a wee bit more.